Dried out {living water}

Jesus replied, “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become thirsty again. But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.”
~ John 4:13-14

The ground was dry and parched, thirsting for rain. I noticed my flowers had started withering in the heat of the summer and I vowed to remember to water them that evening. Unfortunately for my plants, my thumb is not green in color. My poor little plants - I aim to keep them thriving and healthy but I am thrilled when I don’t kill them completely. My best intentions fall prey to my wandering focus.

Eventually I remember to care for my plants: watering, weeding, pulling off dead flowers, and clearing fallen sticks and leaves. How much easier would it be if I kept up with these things in order to keep my flowers at their healthiest?

The same is true for my spiritual life. I had been reading at least one chapter of God’s Word almost every day for quite a while, but the last month has been hit and miss. I can tell that my heart is thirsting for more. Not the dehydrated thirst of an unbelieving heart that tries to quench its longing with worldly things, but the craving of heart that has experienced growth from Jesus' living water and now feels stagnant.

I know what to do to begin that growth again: spend time with God, read His Word, pray, and mediate. Life gets busy and yet one more thing falls prey to my wandering focus. But I know this is one thing I cannot allow to slip away. I must get back on track.

Dear Father,
Thank you that your mercies are new every morning. Forgive me when my focus strays from you. Draw me ever closer to your heart, and bring me into a deeper relationship with you. Help me be a light to those around me, always displaying grace and compassion.
Amen.

Have you experienced this same thing? What do you find helps you get back on track towards spiritual maturity?

Leadership

I’ve never considered myself to be much of a leader or to have much in the way of natural leadership qualities. Imagine my surprise and apprehension when, in the last few years, God called me to begin learning how to be a leader. I think I’ve come a long way in this, but I certainly have an even longer way to go. As in, I feel I’ve only scratched the surface. I often feel completely unqualified, overwhelmed, unworthy, and downright afraid. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt paralyzed by fear…fear of messing up and hurting others.

I don’t even want to put this out there. But I feel that it’s something that God wants me to pray about and work on. It’s one of my areas of Growth for 2011.

I was reading in 2 Corinthians recently and was struck by a few things. In chapter 6, Paul talks of his hardships. What stood out to me was Paul’s positive attitude, despite many hardships, mistreatment, and opposition. “We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors (2 Corinthians 6:8 NLT).”

I am by no means a pillar of faith like the apostle Paul. I would love to have just 1% of his spiritual strength and wisdom. But it comforted me to know that people treated even Paul poorly. In the instances where people have wrongly judge my intentions or meaning, I usually feel defeated and deflated. I flounder, wondering how I could miss the mark so completely when I'm pouring out my heart. Yet I misstep at times, I make well-meaning but poor decisions.

Enter defeat.

But what I realize in my more confident and clear-headed moments is that, even when I fail, I truly am seeking God’s heart. I may have the capacity to make a mess of everything, but thankfully God has the capacity to make me more. I am relieved to know that God is completely in control.

The other thing about leadership that is excruciatingly difficult for me is confrontation. The thought of having to confront or even discipline someone...well, just shoot me now. Having said that, I try to address issues that I feel are important right away. Waiting to address problems is often the reason they become negatively confrontational. Kindly bringing up issues early on avoids a lot of bad feelings. I’ve been on the receiving end of small issues becoming serious confrontations simply because they lingered for so long. I don’t want to put anyone else in that awkward situation, even though I still dislike conflict.

Paul sent his first letter to the church of Corinth knowing that it would cause them pain for a while. He regretted sending it until he heard that it cause them to repent and change their ways. Paul said in his second letter that their sorrow was the kind that “God wants his people to have, so [they] were not harmed by [Paul] in any way. For the kind of sorrow God wants [them] to experience leads [them] away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:9-10).”

Wow. Paul didn’t have assurance that his first letter would be well received, but he wrote it anyway. And he rejoiced, not that it hurt them but that it caused the church to change for the better. What a great way to look at confrontation. What a fabulous thing to aspire to – being able to address issues with love and humility that will cause people to turn from sin.

And oh my, what a weight and responsibility.

Can I take a rain check on this one? Oiy.

Tucked Away

I collect bible verses.

I have them saved on my work and home computers. I have them printed out and placed on my work desk; posted to my work bulletin board; stuffed in my bible and wallet; and various other places. I have references underlined in books and devotions, and scribbled on scraps of paper everywhere. My bible is full of underlined passages.

I also have them tucked in my heart.

Sweet words of love and encouragement.

If I go up to the heavens, You are there;
If I make my bed in the depths, You are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
If I settle on the far side of the sea,
Even there Your hand will guide me,
Your right hand will hold me fast
~ Psalm 139:8-10

Hard words of truth mingled with grace.

So if you are suffering according to God's will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you, for he will never fail you.
~ 1 Peter 4:19

Wise words of instruction and guidance.

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger.
~ Proverbs 15:1

Do you have a favorite bible verse tucked away in your heart?

Do not lose heart

I came out of my depression in an explosion of spiritual growth.

I had struggled with my lonely despair for years until God abruptly delivered me. Ever since that day, he pushed me at breakneck speed toward a vibrant relationship with him. This deliverance occurred more than ten years ago. My life has ebbed and flowed a lot since then, including other struggles with sorrow.

With this partially in mind, and having chosen Growth for My One Word, I set off looking for a photo to use in my series button. I was drawn to the one I ended up choosing because of the wild unrestrained growth. I love the untamed beauty of it.

It reminded me of the last time Growth was my word for the year; when growth was so fast and relentless – so amazing – that it almost physically hurt.

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately.

Overwhelmed with everything! Work, ministries, finances, Rusty's job, spiritual growth, eating issues, being unable to lose more weight, struggling to go to the gym… The big and little stuff. All of it.

There is so much going on in my brain, I can’t keep up. I am having a hard time organizing my thoughts. Honestly, I’ve been struggling against feeling inundated with worry.

And I’m overwhelmed by how much God is growing me. While this is a good kind of overwhelmed, it is still rather scary and challenging.

God is pushing me way past my comfort zones. He is calling me to crave him, and only him. He is urging me to increase my knowledge of him and strengthen my faith. 

I read the following verse this week and felt my heart calm in the midst of the swirling doubt, fear, and noise.

Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.

~ 2 Corinthians 4:1

This verse was like a soothing balm to my stressed out soul. God has given me ministries and he will not abandon them. He will not abandon my husband and me. He will not leave us to fend for ourselves.

He is with me as I struggle against the pressures of this world that threaten to undo me. God has it all under his control, in his more than capable hands, as I grow with abandon – wild and beautiful.

I need not worry or fear; God will equip me for what he has called me to do.

Growth Update

It’s probably time to give an update on My One Word. God has definitely been working on growing me - I have the growing pains to prove it!

I had mentioned that I felt God was going to call me to serve him in another way. I really thought this would be something within my church. Interestingly enough though, I was feeling weighed down by this idea. I went to church one morning and felt this pressure in my mind and heart. I sat down and pulled out a sheet from my bible containing a bunch of verses. This one jumped out at me.

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death.

~ Romans 8:1-2

No condemnation! My spirit immediately quieted. It was such an odd experience. I no longer feel this burning need to jump into something at church. I fully expect to one day figure out what God would like me to be involved in at church, but for now I feel like he is telling me it is ok to wait and see.

I do have another area of service that I feel led to participate in, and it may be time consuming. I'm not ready to say what it is yet, but I will share it with you in a few months. Maybe someone wanted me to be over commited, and thus unable to give my all to each of my areas of service.

I have been working at setting aside time with God (mostly) each day. This time with God has been fruitful. During this time, God has showed me some amazing things, and there is an amazing promise for more to come. From opening up more to people (which I still really need to work on) to striving for (and at times failing to find) contentment, God is teaching me a great deal.

God is also speaking to my heart about my food issues and what I am craving. I'm struggling with my want to - I do not do what I want to do . Huh, that sounds a lot like the Apostle Paul too!

I don't understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate.
~ Romans 7:15

Preach it, Paul! Oh, how I resemble that verse. I can see a series on this coming in the future - one with hard truths and confessions. Yikes!


                                                                  
Did you chose a word for the year?
If so, how are you doing?

Contentment: On Failure and Hope

I made my list of things to do in order to find contentment a mere week ago, and I’ve already failed. Miserably.

My brain goes places that I would not want anyone to see. I’m often a miserable grouch and take out my frustrations on other people. I think badly of others and struggle against letting those thoughts slip through my lips or my fingers as I type. I don’t like what is in my head. It is not honorable or lovely or kind.

I worry and pray (instead of just praying) – about my husband’s job, our finances, what our lives will look like in 10 years, and on and on. I stuff my face with comfort foods, longing for (temporary) relief, instead of relying solely on God’s peace to ease my fretting heart. His peace, offered freely to me for the taking.

Life is filled with suffering and I have to actively work to recognize my blessings. I have to purposefully focus on being thankful. My weak places are not pretty; instead they are riddled with selfish ugliness. Ouch. That is a hard thing to admit.

Are you wondering if I’m putting anything on my list into action? That is a very good question. Truth is, the answer is both yes and no. I have been recognizing when ugliness bubbles up and out of me. I am ashamed of it and struggle against it, with great effort. God has been speaking to my heart a great deal on this subject of late.

Here’s the thing, we all struggle with weak places. I think as long as we are, in fact, struggling against them, we can claim the following verse written by the apostle Paul.

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. For the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you through Christ Jesus from the power of sin that leads to death.

~ Romans 8:1-2

Paul knew all about weak places. We tend to think of Paul as the guy that figured out the secret of contentment, but read what he said in the previous chapter:

I don’t understand myself at all, for I really want to do what is right, but I don’t do it. Instead, I do the very thing I hate.

~ Romans 7:15

Yeah, that sounds like me. A lot like me.

Are you thinking that same thing? We all struggle against our sinful nature. Even Paul did. But (and this is the amen part) Paul also says this:

So, dear brothers and sisters, you have no obligation whatsoever to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.

~ Romans 8: 12

I told you there would be an amen point.

Our sinful nature neither condemns us nor makes us obligated to obey.

We are free, because of the One to whom we belong.

There is no condemnation. Let those words soak into your heart for a minute. No condemnation. Jesus offers forgiveness, peace, and contentment to those who belong to him. Will you accept?

_____________________________________________
This post is the 2nd in a series on contentment:
Part 1: The Secret of Contentment
Part 3: Contentment: On Endurance

The Secret of Contentment

I have read Philippians 4 many times in my life. I've always read it and wondered about the apostle Paul's secret to contentment. This week I read this chapter again and saw things in a way I never have before.

Paul's secret is actually quite provocative – the secret of living with contentment in every situation. Few of us ever scratch the surface of what contentment truly means, no matter how great our effort and intention.

How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

~ Philippians 4:10-13

I will confess – I don’t know how Paul could live in contentment with all he had been through! I read his words and think, that can’t be right, he was in prison! And surely I don’t need to learn to be content in this [insert your trial here] situation? Paul can’t possibly mean that. Oh, but he does.

Did you notice the verse at the end of the passage? On the heels of saying that he is content in any and every situation, Paul says, “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” I think this verse is often used too flippantly. Paul isn’t talking about achieving anything he sets his mind to. He is referring to surviving the worst of the worst with as much grace as living with plenty. Whoa.

My question for Paul has always been, “Well then, what is the secret to achieving contentment?” What I found this week is that he addresses this very question earlier in chapter four.

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again – rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. Keep putting into practice all you learned and received from me – everything you heard from me and saw me doing. Then the God of peace will be with you.

~ Philippians 4:4-9

Let me break that down for my own sake (because I’m a list person):
• Be full of joy
• Be considerate in all you do
• Don’t worry; pray
• Be thankful
• Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise
• Put into practice the things you have learned

If we do these things, Paul says, “The God of peace will be with you.” All these things lead to peace, and peace leads to contentment. This is revolutionary stuff! With achievable, albeit difficult, action steps. Paul's secret steps to God's peace and contentment.

Well, I need to be more like Paul. What about you?

_______________________________________________________
This post is the 1st in a series on contentment:
Part 2: Contentment: On Failure and Hope
Part 3: Contentment: On Endurance

Heart Walls

I have walls around my heart. I build them up for protection from the outside world - to keep people from being able to hurt me as easily.

It is not that I shouldn’t protect myself from people and situations that are bad for me, but that my heart walls keep people from getting close to me and me to them.

My fragile and broken heart has so many questions…and excuses:

• How many times have I been hurt by comments from people that are as selfish as they are well meaning? Excuse.
• How many times have I felt diminished by words from those with no ability to understand the challenges that I face? Excuse.
• How many times will I be further crushed and flattened by others dismissing my suffering as trivial - something to be gotten over easily and quickly? Excuse.
• How many times must I withstand being ridiculed for what I cannot control? For what is not my fault? Excuse.

I don’t have any answers to my questions and the questions remain, buried deep in my heart, causing fear. Fear of rejection, misunderstanding, and further pain.

Despite the fear, I need to let go of the excuses and begin tearing the walls down. That is very scary prospect considering how often I have been hurt when I open up my heart. On the other hand, it is hard to connect with people when you are so carefully guarded. What a catch -22.

The point for me is that if I want to make further connections at church (and I do), I will need to face this fear. I need to pray that God will bring about the right situations with the right people and then give me the courage to open up.

I’ve been listening to the song below for a few weeks, but it really hit home as I began to write this post.

Healing Begins

Tenth Avenue North

So you thought you had to keep this up
All the work that you do
So we think that you're good
And you can't believe it's not enough
All the walls you built up
Are just glass on the outside

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
The light meets the dark

Afraid to let your secrets out
Everything that you hide
Can come crashing through the door now
But too scared to face all your fear
So you hide but you find
That the shame won't disappear

Sparks will fly as grace collides
With the dark inside of us
So please don't fight
This coming light
Let this blood come cover us
His blood can cover us

Setting aside time

My desk at work is not the ideal place for quiet reflection. There are distractions every few minutes – phone calls and a near constant stream of people.

When attempting to once again have a more consistent time of bible reading and prayer, sometimes you have to seize every opportunity you have...like at my desk. My problem tends to be that it just slips away from my mind and I only think about it at the wrong times.

Am I the only one that struggles with this?

Surely not.

I’m not at all hoping to find out that I’m not alone. Nope. Not at all.

Anyone? Anyone?

Ahem.

Seriously though, my hope and prayer is that I will eventually have this habit well established. I want to grow in all the ways God would prompt. And that, quite simply, begins with spending more and more time with him.

Dear Lord,

I ask that you continue to bring this goal to the forefront of my mind. Help me set aside time to spend with you, learning and growing in grace. Give me wisdom and kindness to deal with each new challenge that I face.

In your name,

Amen

Hello God? It's me, Rachel.

Um, you know that word I chose for the year? Growth?

Is it too late to change my mind?

The thing is, one night last week as I was laying in bed I thought about how hard spiritual and personal growth can be. Yeah, I'm not really looking forward to that. I didn't really think about how painful growth can be when I chose it as my word. I don't mean that I didn't think about what the word means, I just didn't think about how scary it can be. KWIM, God?

When I think of last year - how hard it was - I don't think I can handle that again. I don't think I'm strong enough.

Unless you can teach me all the stuff I need to learn without the growing pains. Probably not.

Ok, then I'll just have to leave this all up to you, Lord.

Amen.

New place to serve the Lord?

Last summer I made the difficult decision to step down from my church’s worship teams. I knew at the time that God would call me to serve again at some point.

This Sunday in church I felt the Holy Spirit whispering to my heart, “My child, I will soon call you to serve me in my church again. I gave you rest these last few months, but that is about to come to an end. Listen, open your heart, and see what I have for you.”

I am both excited and nervous to see where God will call me.

I have faith that God will equip me to do whatever he calls me to next, even as I experience growing pains.

My church will be highlighting different ministry opportunities this month. Maybe one of those will be my new place. I know that I need to connect better. I pray that what God calls me to will help me in that area.

Here I am, Lord.

I’m apprehensive, but I’m here.

Jesus said to the people, “I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won’t be stumbling through the darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.”

~ John 8:12

My One Word: a new kind of resolution

I don't make New Year's resolutions. I haven't in years. I can remember making them in the past and barely making it through January before I blow it. Why set myself up for failure? That gets depressing pretty quickly.

However, earlier this week a friend of mine shared about a different kind of resolution: My One Word. From the organizations website:

If you're like most people, each January goes something like this: You choose a problematic behavior that has plagued you for years and vow to reverse it. In fact, you can probably think of two or three undesirable habits—make that four or five.

Thus begins the litany of imperfections to be perfected, commonly known as New Year's Resolutions. All of which are typically off your radar by February.

My One Word replaces broken promises with a vision for real change. When you choose a single word, you have a single focus. You are moving toward the future rather than swearing off the past.

With My One Word, you're right where God wants you: in His hands. And it's not an extreme makeover we're talking about. This year, the goal is to see His work in one area of your life.

I am feeling a little bit apprehensive about picking my word for the year before the year begins. I can sum up the last couple years in one word, but I only really knew what that word was going to be about half way through the year.

In 2009, my word was Hope. I learned the hard way that hope in God is not dependent on anything else but him. I was placing my hope in God for what he might do for me. Gulp. That was a tough thing to admit in the midst of this lesson, but there it is.

In 2010, my word was Endure. Last year was rough. We had many challenges pile stress on us. Rusty's job was questionable all year. We both had numerous health issues. Our finances were tight. I struggled with some seasonal blues with the crazy winter we had. And that is not everything that made it a rough year. Endurance. Yep, that was our word.

In 2011, I am choosing the word Growth. I want to have a more effective prayer life this year, and I thought about chose the word Prayer. Today, however, I realized that my word should be growth. The reason I want a dynamic prayer life is to grow. Grow in my spiritual life, first and foremost, because growth there would naturally spill over into the rest of my life.

I've chosen my word. Will you?