I’ve never considered myself to be much of a leader or to have much in the way of natural leadership qualities. Imagine my surprise and apprehension when, in the last few years, God called me to begin learning how to be a leader. I think I’ve come a long way in this, but I certainly have an even longer way to go. As in, I feel I’ve only scratched the surface. I often feel completely unqualified, overwhelmed, unworthy, and downright afraid. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt paralyzed by fear…fear of messing up and hurting others. I don’t even want to put this out there. But I feel that it’s something that God wants me to pray about and work on. It’s one of my areas of Growth for 2011.
I was reading in 2 Corinthians recently and was struck by a few things. In chapter 6, Paul talks of his hardships. What stood out to me was Paul’s positive attitude, despite many hardships, mistreatment, and opposition. “We serve God whether people honor us or despise us, whether they slander us or praise us. We are honest, but they call us impostors (2 Corinthians 6:8 NLT).”
I am by no means a pillar of faith like the apostle Paul. I would love to have just 1% of his spiritual strength and wisdom. But it comforted me to know that people treated even Paul poorly. In the instances where people have wrongly judge my intentions or meaning, I usually feel defeated and deflated. I flounder, wondering how I could miss the mark so completely when I'm pouring out my heart. Yet I misstep at times, I make well-meaning but poor decisions.
Enter defeat.
But what I realize in my more confident and clear-headed moments is that, even when I fail, I truly am seeking God’s heart. I may have the capacity to make a mess of everything, but thankfully God has the capacity to make me more. I am relieved to know that God is completely in control.
The other thing about leadership that is excruciatingly difficult for me is confrontation. The thought of having to confront or even discipline someone...well, just shoot me now. Having said that, I try to address issues that I feel are important right away. Waiting to address problems is often the reason they become negatively confrontational. Kindly bringing up issues early on avoids a lot of bad feelings. I’ve been on the receiving end of small issues becoming serious confrontations simply because they lingered for so long. I don’t want to put anyone else in that awkward situation, even though I still dislike conflict.
Paul sent his first letter to the church of Corinth knowing that it would cause them pain for a while. He regretted sending it until he heard that it cause them to repent and change their ways. Paul said in his second letter that their sorrow was the kind that “God wants his people to have, so [they] were not harmed by [Paul] in any way. For the kind of sorrow God wants [them] to experience leads [them] away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow (2 Corinthians 7:9-10).”
Wow. Paul didn’t have assurance that his first letter would be well received, but he wrote it anyway. And he rejoiced, not that it hurt them but that it caused the church to change for the better. What a great way to look at confrontation. What a fabulous thing to aspire to – being able to address issues with love and humility that will cause people to turn from sin.
And oh my, what a weight and responsibility.
Can I take a rain check on this one? Oiy.
