I had to pull the car off the road for fear of crashing into a tree or running off the winding road. The tears were falling hard and fast, leaving hot red tracks down my face. I let the sobs come as I put my car in park, allowing the grief to just be for a moment.___________________________________
Dear Lord, why won’t you take away this desire if you will not fulfill it? It isn’t a bad desire. It isn’t selfish. After all, you fulfill this for most people. Why won’t you let me be a mom?
After a few minutes, I got out of my car and opened the back door so I could reach the box of tissues. Blotting my wet face I prayed,
Please change my desire, Lord. I know you can do that. You can change the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). I can’t take this anymore. I’m so alone. None of my friends or family understand, and I don’t hear your voice. Where are you?
Will you join me on Held to read the rest of this post? Oh, thank you!
I just found your blog through Held and wanted to say hello. I hope you don't mind, I linked this post from Held on my blog. So much of what you wrote resonated with me...
ReplyDeleteI haven't gotten to the point of 100% accepting the healing God can bring, or to the point of 100% surrendering my dream of being a mother, as I still want to fight and prove infertility wrong. It's a hard battle. Thank you for sharing your words and insight. I hope to learn more about you and your faith through your blog.
In His love,
Rebecca
Rebecca - You are more than welcome to link to the post.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a difficult battle, isn't it? And one that is constantly changing. I pray that Held will be a comfort to you.
God bless.