What I Learned on My Summer Vacation

1. Don’t sprain your ankle three days before vacation. If you do, however, be extra careful with it and baby it like crazy. You may be able to enjoy your vacation and be only slightly limited in what you can do. Also, avoid wearing flip flops that have no arch support even if your ankle is feeling better.

2. Don’t let your husband speed on your way to the beach. There will be speed traps – especially on a holiday weekend.

3. Watch the beach pros stick umbrellas in the sand. It is, in fact, an art form and you can learn from the guys that get paid to do it all day long. If you don’t, you may find your umbrella hurtling precariously end over end towards an unsuspecting and innocent bystander. Not cool, folks.

4. There is not much you can do if you have extremely loud hotel neighbors …even if they are screaming at the top of their lungs at midnight. Not even if they are wrastlin’ and/or moving furniture around at the same time as the screaming. It is true that they are totally inconsiderate and ridonk, but aside from calling the front desk, you are out of luck.

5. If the mini fridge in your suite has ice that has formed along the back, you can’t find the temperature control, and ice starts forming in your drinks…beware! Things can explode. The only good part is that cleaning up frozen diet Coke is a lot easier than cleaning up liquid diet Coke.

6. Thoroughly and frequently applying sunblock to a bald head prevents burning and whining from one’s husband.

7. When a thunderstorm slowly rolls by on the evening of July 4th, don’t hold out any hope that there will be fireworks shot off from the barge in the ocean. It ain’t gonna happen. That barge will leave and not come back. The only fireworks you will see will be the lightening from the thunderstorm, so grab your chair and enjoy. Do NOT get all excited and have your little camera set to the fireworks setting and attached to your mini tripod hours early. It will only serve to let you down even more.